Fash Pack do Feminism, in an Ann Summers way that is...

Feminism is a dirty word. That’s what Stylist was telling us this week.

Oh whatever, women care about their rights. Whether we pack it up in a pink box and wrap a ribbon around it, or tell women it’s about ‘burning bras’ and ‘hairy legs.’ Most of us will have an opinion on it.

I know that you want to be ‘controversial,’ but this topic has been everywhere – from the page 3 ‘beauties’ in the Sun, to the most hoighty-toighty of broadsheet columnists. It’s been covered enough times to make you think watching Countryfile is fun. Genuinely it’s not. It’s about as fun as Scrapheap challenge. But that’s another blog in itself...

I’m a liberal feminist. Am I defined by this? No - it’s gives my opinions a name. I’ve read my Marxist Feminists, Radical Feminists, Black Feminists... If you want to find out about it, you probably will. But this read more like Usborne’s first book of Feminism.

The patronising level this magazine slowly tiptoed into was truly painful http://issue.stylist.co.uk/Stylist-style-fashion-beauty-news/1A4c0d0aa146bfd012.cde Now speaking really slowly, I ammmm goinggg to expllllainnn what the firrrrst waaave is ...

I agree that rape conviction rates are atrocious, that the pay gap is far too wide – but this title is aimed at professional career-minded commuter ladies, non?

I was so excited about Stylist’s launch http://willoughbypr.blogspot.com/2009/07/have-you-been-shortlisted-for-your-own.html that it felt such a missed opportunity. What was interesting is the fact they put 3 ad agencies on the case – most of which wanting to ‘reclaim feminsm’ and bring back its shine.

The most radical of which (not) came up with an idea to produce special t-shirts – because if Lilly Allen and Alexa Chung wear something we’ll immediately copy it. Just give them slogans such as ‘Hello boys. I’m a feminist’ and ‘Feminists get laid more’ (I’m struggling to type these...) and then we’ll love the word again. Plus (I’m presuming) men will love it too. Ha.

It’s less Katherine Hamnett, more Ann-Summers do intelligent - isn’t it?

Stylist I like you. We do need to talk about women’s issues, but I don’t think you gave the ‘normal’ woman enough credit.

Right, that over with, I’m off to buy some dungarees ;)

The Seven Deadly Marketing Sins

Yesterday, I foolishly let my guard down and got (briefly) sucked in by a promo man offering me a shiny black paper bag with the name of a cosmetics firm emblazoned across the front. He shouted; “Take one, take one” but it turned out that the bag was empty and it was all a big con possibly designed to make me feel silly – but presumably to make me more inclined to purchase their wares.

Instead, the whole episode got me so cross that I swore there and then that I would rather leave the house with a giant boil on my nose than attempt to disguise it with said company’s concealer, no matter which celebrity tells me how good it is and whatever freebies come with it.

The event reminded me of a trip to the cricket some years back when I was accosted by the Brand Police who stole the crisps out of my picnic because they weren’t Walkers and Walkers were the match sponsors - so all other crisps were as illegal as cocaine and could therefore be justifiably confiscated, even though I had paid good money for them. I can only just about stomach Salt and Linekers now – and it was five years ago that they cruelly stole my Mini Cheddars.

Anyway, yesterday got me thinking and over the years, I have created a black list of companies that – based entirely on their marketing efforts – I have banned from my house. So, here’s the list – “My Seven Deadly Marketing Sins”. More additions very welcome.

· Companies whose adverts, quite frankly, make me feel physically sick – like the boy who will only poo at Pauls’ house. Poor Paul. Hope no one ever comes to my house just to do that.
· Businesses who persuade celebrities to sell out – like Iggy Pop and Swift or John Lydon and butter - but top of the list by a country mile is Carol Vorderman, a mathematical genius who will happily sell subprime loans to the unemployed. Yes, thanks to Carol you too can convert all your niggling debts into one life crushing loan.
· Brands who are so determined to make money out of Brits that they can’t even be bothered to reshoot ads for their target audience. Stick a British voice over the top. Job done. Just for Men and “The Man Who Now Needs More Ties” currently at the top of this particular hate list.
· Companies who think I am stupid. Very stupid. So stupid , in fact, that they think I will actually believe they interviewed a family of five about their love of low fat rice pudding and how they couldn’t get enough of it. You know the one - mum shocked that teen boy has sometimes stolen it out of the fridge. (Two main issues with that – 1. men can’t find anything in the fridge and 2. only thing teen boy would actually want from the fridge is lager.)
· Businesses who tell porkie pies. Remember Rick Mayall and Virgin? Remember his colleagues relaxing at a table of four planning for a key business meet. Where was the fat sweaty man, eating the cheese and onion pasty? Where was the guy with the iPod at max and where were all the people with standing room only?
· Businesses that get carried away, like BT. Don’t care about that couple (her from Spooks and him from My Family) – they strike me as ill-matched anyway.
· Anyone who stops me on the street when I clearly have two unhappy children, a crotchety husband and a hangover. There’s a time and place to sell and Touchwood at 1300 on a wet Saturday is not it.

I could go on but I have made my point and have ruined my PR chances with enough firms for one day. Unless they want to repent their sins and are after an agency who can rectify those wrongs? Well, you can but try...

Beyond silo marketing

How many times have you phoned an organisation as a customer only to be told "that's another division, you'll have to phone another number" or "we can't do that, they're a separate company".

A classic example of this is the UK financial services sector, multiple product companies which organise themselves by silo (mortgages, savings, current accounts, insurance etc) all with separate contact centres and customer contact details.

Let me give you an example. At the moment I have a current account, a mortgage, two ISAs and a long term savings product with the Nationwide Building Society. I am a good customer and they want more, regularly bombarding me with information about other products. I was in the Bromsgrove branch on a Saturday a few months ago and one of cashiers tried to sell me yet another savings product.

"What's in it for me?" I asked.

"Well it's a good rate of interest" was the reply.

"Yes, but its no better than what I could get by going online" I countered. "Perhaps if you offered me an incentive, an eighth of a percentage point off my mortgage for example."

I know it was never going to happen, I was just feeling difficult, but you can imagine the reply.

"We can't do that, they're separate divisions."

I was therefore intrigued to read a profile of the Santander Bank in this week's Time Magazine. Buried deep in the profile is one of the secrets of Santander's success, namely a computer programme, called Parthenon, which does nothing more impressive than group information by customer rather than product. That's right, all of an individual's interactions with the bank grouped in one place, no silos or separate divisions.

Parthenon has enabled Santander to strip out millions in costs from its acquisition of Abbey National, it has aided cross-selling opportunities and, crucially, enables Abbey to offer incentives in the form of highly competitive interest rates, to good customers.

Apparently, this is revolutionary for the banking sector, but there is a lesson for all business here. You may think you are being customer focussed by being terribly polite and attentive, but if you are forcing customers to navigate your own internal organisation then you are not and ultimately you will pay for it.